Don't Be Afraid to Stand Behind Yourself in the Face of Rejection

One of the most important things I've learned in my career is to not shrink from a comment or position you take just because someone "poo poo"'s it - even if it is the President of the company. Sometimes you are off base, but many times you are right on target, but others just haven't caught up yet or don't really understand exactly what you are saying. I have been in more than my fair share of management team meetings with over-bearing bosses and Presidents who don't always take the time to think about what you say and essentially tell you that you are crazy, that you are off-base or even to just shut up about it. Today was another such example.

The President of the company I work with told me in essence I was being "negative", speaking out of turn and I was going to have to leave if I didn't "get on board". Two things were happening here . . . first, I was suggesting a different perspective and presentation of key information to potential investors (and in a way that was more reflective of our actual business model and that highlighted our role as an "ingredient" to many specialty products vs. his way of focusing on the specialty products themselves and how great they were). Second, he wasn't quite understanding where I was going with my suggestion. Luckily this man is as open minded as he is impulsive and overbearing at times, so while it may take 5 to 30 minutes (or longer sometimes) for him to digest something, he is open to coming around to considering something beyond his own thoughts. So, I stuck to my guns - but without trying to jam it down anyone's throats. That is always the challenge in these situations . . . to stand behind yourself without being pushy.

So, another opportunity came up to express my different perspective . . . I tried again to express my perspective about the specialty products being impressive vs. us as the "ingredient" in those products being impressive.. . . I expanded on how we could have a "specialty products choose us" page. He got it . . . . and  said "Oh yes, and thereby show that we are just the raw material and not having to make the product" . . . . ding ding ding . . .give that man a prize! "Yes, exactly! That's what I'm trying to do is highlight us as the ingredient who the specialty products choose because we're so special and not worry about all the details of the specialty product, which we don't make" . . . Ahhh, they see the light . . .He nodded his head in delight, and from that point on in the meeting he seriously considered everything I said as a valuable contribution. You would think that I had just started working with the man....but this is a SIX YEAR WORKING RELATIONSHIP. You would think that they would learn after the first several dozen examples of how you represent a valuable perspective. Unfortunately, however, it is a never-ending process of continuing to prove why you are there and why you are valuable.

So, to my women colleagues, my message to you from my experiences is to carefully evaluate whether the comments you are receiving are valid or misguided. Sometimes we are off-base, but many times we are not. Woman have a unique ability to see things that often times men cannot see (to use a gross generalization). Woman - generally - are multi-taskers with men generally being not so good at that (with the usual exceptions) - we all know and accept this. As a result, we women do not think linearly. That non-linear thinking brings tremendous value that many others will not see right away. This is especially true if you are on a management team of mostly men. If you believe you are not off-base and the criticism you receive is simply steeped in misunderstanding of your position - STAND BEHIND YOURSELF. DO NOT SHRINK INTO YOUR CHAIR OR THE WALLPAPER. HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF AND YOUR THOUGHTS. You never want to be annoyingly pushy, but you always want to stand behind what you say. If you can think of another way to state your position, even better. Don't let others shut you out of the conversation. Be assertive and confident in yourself, and chances are high that you will win the day in the end with your thoughts if you are working with reasonable people who don't have a personal agenda other than doing the best thing for the company.

I welcome comments from others on their similar experiences so that others can benefit from the wealth of experiences of us all.

Those Who Fear Being Obsolete . . . Interfere

Patience, they say, is a virtue. Hmph. I've been running a little short on that these days. It doesn't seem to matter how long you've been doing what you do or how good you've shown people you are at what you do. There is always someone who thinks they need to "step in" to make themselves feel important and try to keep you down. These people interfere and "give advice" despite having little to no experience in it themselves!   I think they do it just because they need to believe they are necessary in the situation, as they are starting to feel overshadowed. You know the saying . . ."those who can't do . . teach", well I think I have one to add to that . . . "those who fear being made obsolete. . . interfere" often times in desperation. 

So, I'm leading and moderating this seminar segment with a guest speaker giving a presentation and a panel of experts. Timing is tight with a lot to fit in. I have a schedule down to the minute of all of the 5 or 6 things I want to accomplish in this session. I've even shared it with the seminar organizers, panelists and presenter so they all know what I'm doing and where I'm leading the session and how. I've even communicated it to the audience before the session started so that the audience knows what we're doing and where we're headed in the session.  So, we are perfectly on schedule during this session (accounting for the late start by those leading the day-long event, of course), and the leader of the organization sponsoring the event feels compelled to walk up to the stage during the middle of our session to tell me he thinks I should start implementing the next segment of our session. REALLY?! I'm right on schedule, and you feel a need to make a spectacle of your "leadership" in front of the entire audience to tell me what you think I should do when its already on my previewed schedule that you have from me?! My thoughts and attitude towards him was "I'LL GET TO THAT WHEN I GET TO IT!". Instead I said "Yes, I will - I have 1 more thing to do and we'll get there. We still have 15-20 minutes!".  UNBELIEVABLE. 

I don't know whether my response made his trip to the stage unworthy of trying this again to others, or whether he just felt a need to interfere with me and my session, but he did not do it again to me or anyone else during the course of the day. After the session, the audience response to what we presented, how we presented it and my moderation of the session was so popular he was forced to tell me he thought I did a good job and that everyone really enjoyed it. You could tell it pained him to say it. But, there's another saying that fit him that day . . ."if you can't fight 'em. . . lead 'em!"   He felt he had no other option at that point. He realized he couldn't criticize, so despite how outshined or unnecessary he felt, he had to either lead the praise or be overshadowed by it.

The one thing that I continue to see over and over is that there are those who can't stand to see someone else succeed in their sandbox. As a result, they will always feel a need to try and show others that they are still in control. So, to all of those wonderfully capable women entrepreneurs out there . . . those who criticize you and treat you like you aren't good enough or doing a good enough job, are most often those who feel you are better than they are and they feel threatened by your grandeur. Ignore them and take it as a compliment. Chances are, you have many others who are secure enough to relish in your success and talent along with you. Know who you are; know what you are capable of; know what you do well.  That's who you are and no one can take that from you but you. Know it. Feel it. Believe it.

Being a Pioneering Business Woman

Being a pioneering business woman is different from being a pioneering business man. Neither better nor worse, but different. Many of the same challenges meet the pioneering business woman, and many different ones too. Some of these challenges a pioneering business woman is well-equipped to handle; others, not as much. Regardless of the advances in "equality" of women in the workplace, there are still some places in business where the woman is in the minority. Prejudices still exist - some stated and well-known to the holders of those prejudices and some completely subconscious or unintended by those exhibiting prejudicial or biased behavior.

Join Anna in exploring what it is like to be a pioneering business woman today and listen to her stories.